


Gotta Knock a Little Harder

by Yanyangire



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-03
Updated: 2015-01-23
Packaged: 2018-02-28 01:31:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2714000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yanyangire/pseuds/Yanyangire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Breach is destroyed, Hermann has become increasingly distant from him and Newt is determined to find out why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It wasn’t until a day or so after the breach was finally destroyed that Newton had time to really think about the events of the previous forty eight hours. Everyone had been celebrating their victory and having played a rather big part in said victory he too had gotten caught up in celebrating. But after having drifted twice, not to mention having almost been eaten by a Kaiju on more than one occasion, he was exhausted, and so had no choice to give into his body’s demand of sleep.

Newton generally didn’t need much sleep. That’s why he was surprised to find when he awoke he had been asleep for a whole eight hours. He hadn’t bothered to get undressed, having pretty much collapsed on to his bed as soon as he had returned to his room. He groaned, feeling awful. His clothes stuck to his skin with sweat and the bloodstains from his nosebleed remained on his collar. More than anything he needed to shower but his body refused to move. With his head aching, he sighed, running his hands over his face. He supposed drifting twice in twenty four hours would do that to you, especially having drifted by himself the first time.

Drifting with a Kaiju had been both an amazing and terrifying experience. It was incredible just how much he had learned. And okay, while drifting with the Kaiju that first time may have inadvertently drawn them to him, it was still pretty damn awesome. That’s why he found it so strange that his mind seemed more focused on the fact he had drifted with his lab partner Hermann Gottlieb.

He had been in Hermann’s head and Hermann had been his, and damn, the more he thought about it, it really was a weirdly intimate thing. With all that was going on, he hadn’t had time to process it. After all, when you just discover that humanity’s last option of attack isn’t going to work, everything else kind of goes out the window. But now with the world safe, the Kaiju destroyed and the breach sealed, there it was right in front of him. All those memories... It had been like watching a slide show at spitfire pace. His brain barely had anytime to process the memories as they had flashed by and yet they stuck in his mind. Hermann when he first arrived at the Shatterdome, his and Hermann’s first meeting, hurting his leg, Hermann graduating from university, Hermann as a child...

Newton winced remembering the image of a young Hermann curled into himself crying. If Newton was honest, it didn’t surprise him one bit that Hermann was bullied as a child. One look at his demeanour and personality and you could just tell. But seeing it happen before him, even in a brief flash, he had felt Hermann’s pain. That accompanied by his own empathy, he couldn’t help but feel sad. Newton too was bullied as a child. Or rather some kids had tried to bully him at one point, but he was way too focused on watching monster movies and reading comics and manga to really give a shit. The only time the bullies had gotten to him was when one of them stole a comic book he was reading. After throwing a massive fit in front of them however, the bully had been so freaked out that he tossed the comic on the ground and he and his friends more or less sped away. They didn’t bother him after that, although the nicknames ‘freak’, ‘weirdo’ and even ‘psycho’ were frequently flung around in his presence. Again, Newton hadn’t really cared. They were morons and he was awesome and that’s all there was to it. Unfortunately Hermann didn’t quite have this mentality.

From what Newton could garner from Hermann’s memories, his home life hadn’t been the happiest either; his parents being incredibly distant, and somehow he never seemed quite able to live up to his father’s expectations. He supposed such a childhood explained a lot of why Hermann was the way he was now. Hermann’s life of course hadn’t been all bad. He had achieved an incredible amount of accomplishments and was certainly proud of the work he did.

Resisting the urge to roll over and go back to sleep, Newton grabbed a towel and headed down to the communal showers at the end of the corridor. Not surprisingly the place was empty. Either people were still partying, in which case he really admired their stamina, or were fast asleep and recovering. He wondered if Hermann was still asleep. They had left the celebration together and after bidding the other good night went to their respective rooms. Believing he would still be asleep, Newton quickly squashed down his disappointment, trying to ignore the strong feeling of wanting to see him at that exact moment. Instead he tried to enjoy the feel of the warm water streaming down against his skin; a welcome change from the bombardment of rainwater the day before.

It wasn’t long before Newton lost himself in the memories he experienced in the drift, lapsing from his own to Hermann’s to even the Kaiju’s. It worried him slightly that he was unsure which memories made him feel most uneasy, the Kaiju or Hermann’s.

When he returned to his room, Newton shoved on some fresh clothes. It felt almost heavenly. Initially planning on heading to the LOCCENT, he decided against it, his feet carrying him to the lab instead. What he didn’t expect to find in there was his lab partner.

“Her..Hermann? You’re here.”

“How very astute of you, Dr. Geiszler,” the other man replied wryly, although there was no real malice behind the words.

“Uh, no, what I mean is, I didn’t expect to see you up.”

“Ah, yes, well I found myself unable to fall asleep so I thought I would come here.”

“Oh.”

There were a few moments of awkward silence before Newton wandered to his own side of the lab. To do what exactly he wasn’t sure, but he had never been one to stay still for long. He always had to be doing something otherwise he grew agitated.

The mess of wires and such created during the first drift experiment still lay clattered together on the floor so he supposed he should start with tidying that up. Hermann on the other hand didn’t seem to be doing much of anything. Just as he had been when Newton first came in, he remained staring at the blackboards in front of him.

“So, how you feeling?” he asked after a few minutes, trying to sound casual in spite of his growing concern towards the other man.

“As well as can be expected I suppose,” Hermann replied, awkwardly adjusting his chair around. “Though really I should be the one asking you that question. You did drift with a Kaiju _twice_ after all.” The mathematician frowned. “Are you... Are you really sure you should be up and about so soon? Perhaps you should-”

“Relax, I’m fine. I’ve had hangovers way worse than what I feel right now, believe me.”

“Oh, I definitely believe you.”

“Guess, you saw some of those memories in the drift, huh?” he laughed.

Hermann’s eyes widened briefly and Newton stopped laughing. “Oh, yes, some...”

“I think I may return to my room for a little while,” Hermann said as pushed himself up out of the chair.

“Oh, uh, okay.” Newton replied, finding himself disappointed for the second time that day.

“You sure you’re alright?” he then added as Hermann grasped uneasily for his cane.

“Yes, yes, I assure you, I’m fine.”

Clearly this wasn’t the case however as halfway towards the door, Hermann stopped, grimacing in pain.

“Dude, you’re clearly not okay!” cried Newton as he rushed to the other man’s side.

“I am. It’s just this bloody leg. I’m afraid I’ve done a lot more running about these past couple of days than what I’m generally accustomed to. Once I get back to my room and lie down, it’ll be fine.”

“Okay, well at least let me help-”

“No!” Newton was slightly taken aback by the outburst, and evidently Hermann was as well as he instantly mumbled an apology. “Honestly, I’ll be fine. I...I’ll see you later, Newton.”

Newton wanted to argue with him, to at least make sure he got back to him room alright, but he knew Hermann was too prideful to accept that kind of help. He had been aware of this before the drift and even more so after. Watching Hermann shuffle out of the doorway, clearly in pain, Newton winced, having to hold himself back from rushing off after him.

Just as he had expected to be when he first arrived at the lab, he was alone. Abandoning the mess on the floor he went over and stood in front of one of the Kaiju containers and stared.

It was only then that it hit him. “It’s really over...”

\-----------------------------

The rest of the day was frantic with press conferences being held, the entire world celebrating being rid of the Kaiju once and for all. Newton, despite his role in the whole saving the world thing, was very much apart from the media frenzy. For one, he wasn’t a Jaeger pilot, and secondly he had been rushed off to the Shatterdome’s medical bay for evaluation. He was reprimanded by the staff there, told that he should have come straight away, which in actuality just wasn’t possible, given that he’d been sent off by Marshall Pentecost to locate infamous Kaiju organ black marketer Hannibal Chou. And the second time, well again he had more important things going on.

After checking his vitals and answering a series of extremely prying questions about how he was feeling after his multiple drift experiences, he was ushered off for an MRI scan. Feeling more twitchy than usual, he found it difficult to stay still – which generally he had trouble with at the best of times – and was told off continuously by the frustrated radiographer to not move.

Once the scan was completed, he was politely asked to leave and that they would let him know once they had analysed the findings. The head doctor had looked completely indignant when Newton had suggested that he could just look over the scan himself and have his answer then and there.

“That isn’t the way it works, Dr. Geiszler.”

‘Oh, really?’ he thought. Well then...

Newton opened his mouth to argue, ready to take this ‘doctor’ down a peg or two, when he noticed Hermann walking in.

Taking the opportunity to flee, the doctor walked across the room towards lab partner. “Dr. Gottlieb, so glad you could finally make it. Please take a seat over here. My colleagues have a series of questions we would like you to answer.”

“Asshole.” Newton snorted.

Hermann still looked tired from what he could tell. Frowning, he wondered if the other man had actually managed to get any sleep.

“Uh, Dr. Geiszler...”

Newton turned back around to see an uncomfortable looking young man who he assumed was charged with getting rid of him standing there.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m going, I’m going!” he replied, his frustration returning.

He glanced back again at Hermann, wanting to offer to stay knowing that if he felt the never-ending string of questions exhausting and intrusive, then Hermann would be on the verge of murdering someone by the end. He doubted that neither Hermann nor that asshole doctor-whatever-his-name is, would appreciate the gesture however and so without another word, he left.

\-----------------------------

Since having last checked, Newton had two more e-mails demanding his report on the events of the past several days. He grimaced. He hated writing reports and more or less put off submitting them as long as possible. Writing academic papers he had no problem with. After all, the more papers you write, the more exposure you get, the more well-known and famous you become, until finally wooh, rock star status! Or the scientific community equivalent of a rock star anyway...

With reports however, you had to dumb things down so much so the ‘upper-brass’ understood, which annoyed him to no end because really if they couldn’t even understand basic concepts, should they actually be in those positions in the first place? Plus what with the PPDC being a military organisation they expected you to be like super formal in whatever you wrote. Report writing was much more Hermann’s thing, and knowing him he’d probably already had written up and sent off his report.

Newton groaned as he quickly glanced over the e-mails which must have used the word ‘urgent’ at least ten times between them. Seriously, he had just helped save the world; couldn’t they cut him some slack?

He picked up his tape recorder he had rescued earlier from the heap of junk on the floor that now sat on his desk. He clicked play, but considering it detailed his plan leading up to his first drift and not what happened afterwards, it was pretty useless to him.

"Unscientific aside: Hermann, if you’re listening to this, well, I’m either alive and I’ve proven what I’ve just done works — in which case, ha! I won-”

Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t really rubbed it in his colleague’s face, and he wasn’t going to lie, he loved proving Hermann wrong. Again he supposed there were more important things going on. Not that it felt particularly important to him to point it out anymore with all they had been through.

“-or I’m dead, and I’d like you to know this is all your fault. It really is. You drove me to this. In which case, ha! I also won. … Sort of."

He cringed at that part, hoping desperately that Hermann hadn’t actually listened to any of this, because in retrospect, he sounded like a complete jerk. Not to mention he now knew how much finding him on the floor that day had frightened Hermann. It was one of the many memories they had shared together in the drift. Whether because it had just happened or because it was related to the Kaiju, Newton wasn’t sure, but if he closed his eyes and remembered, he could still feel the other scientist’s panic.

Newton placed the recorder back on his desk, resisting the urge to toss the thing across the room.

\-----------------------------

A few hours passed by and Hermann still hadn’t returned to the lab. Whether he was still in medical bay or had gone back to his room, Newton was unsure. Glancing at the other side of the lab for a moment before going back to his report, he tried to quell down his rising concern and frustrating feeling of loneliness.

When Newton got the phone call asking him to come discuss the results, he was surprised that instead of being called back to the medical bay, he was instead to told to go one of the conference rooms.

The awkward looking nurse from before was standing in front of the entrance waiting for him.

“Geez, do they really not want me in medical that much?”

The man looked utterly confused for a moment before catching on. “Oh no-no! Dr. Reynolds thought it would be best if someone with expertise on drifting looked over your scan, and they insisted on discussing the results with you personally. Or well, through video conference anyway.”

Reynolds? So that was that assholes name.

Newton walked in the room and sat down at the table which stood before a large television screen. With a nod, the nurse closed the door and left.

He was dubious about who this so-called expert was until the screen blinkered to life.

“Caitlin!”

The person on screen smiled at him. “Hello, Newton.”

“Oh, man! How long has it been?” he asked, grinning.

He had only met Caitlin Lightcap a handful of times before but he really liked her. Mainly because she was pretty down to earth and unlike a lot of people - a la Hermann - she didn’t seem to care much or insist on people calling her by her full title.

“It must be a few years at least.”

With people slowly losing confidence in the Jaeger project the past several years and less and less being built, Caitlin Lightcap’s involvement in the fight against the Kaiju had gradually decreased. From what Newton had heard, she still continued research into the drift process on her own however.

“I always thought the biggest breakthrough in the drifting process would be configuring the Pons device to allow a neural-handshake between three pilots but then you go and drift with an actual kaiju.” she stated, her voice a mixture of both disbelief and admiration.

His grin widened. “Well someone had to do something to get us an advantage to win this war.” He knew he was being cocky, but damn, what he did was awesome and it was nice for someone to actually appreciate that.

“I’m just amazed you survived the process. A human being and a kaiju actually drifting together is something neither I nor anyone could have possibly conceived of. If the kaiju had been alive at the time, you definitely wouldn’t be here right now,” she said, her tone turning serious.

Newton flinched at the thought. Drifting with a piece of a dead Kaiju brain was disturbing enough, but to drift with the hive mind found through a living conscious Kaiju brain, he dreaded to think how much more unpleasant the process would have been.

“So, uh, what do the results actually show?” Newton asked warily.

Dr. Lightcap explained in great detail and Newton found himself torn between being completely fascinated and freaking out that his brain would finally decide that no, it really was too much after all, and start haemorrhaging.

“In short, while your scan shows varying levels of activity in your brain that differ from the aftermath of a standard drift between two pilots in a Jaeger, I do believe that you’ll be fine.”

Newton visibly relaxed at this. “Aw, man, that’s great.”

“For the time being however, I do recommend regular check-ups until we can officially rule out any permanent damage. From the report that Dr. Reynolds sent me based on what you told him, you don’t seem to be suffering any abnormalities other than the typical residual effects pilots experience after drifting together, which all in all, is definitely a good sign.” she said, sounding pleased on his behalf.

Pilots... Wait, someone else had drifted with him.

“Hermann!” the biologist yelled out suddenly, startling Dr. Lightcap, “I mean... uh, Hermann. Do you have his results yet?”

The woman smiled. “Yes, I do. I really shouldn’t be sharing information regarding Dr. Gottlieb’s scan...” she started apprehensively, “But since you two have drifted together...”

Newton couldn’t help but feel she was implying something but he kept his mouth shut, lest she change her mind about telling him his colleague’s results.

“Dr. Gottlieb’s scan, while also showing abnormalities as a result of drifting with a Kaiju brain, is closer to normal levels in comparison to your own. Which makes sense given-”

“That I drifted twice, one of those times being by myself with a Kaiju brain,” he interrupted impatiently, gesturing for her to continue with his hand.

She nodded. “He too, for the foreseeable future, will have to have regular scans but as is the case with yourself, I do believe he’ll be fine.”

Newton immediately felt a wave of relief wash over him; surprisingly just as much as when he had been told himself that he should be fine.

“Still, it’s incredibly lucky that the both of you were drift compatible otherwise I fear that the consequences could have been dire. Not just for you and Dr. Gottlieb, but the entire world.” she said, seeming to take a moment to lament on just how close the planet had come to destruction.

Drift Compatible? Newton hadn’t really considered that. You didn’t need to be compatible with a piece of dead kaiju brain to drift with it. After all, really, how could you? But he hadn’t even thought about how it would be different drifting with two people, other than the fact the shared neural load would be a hell of a lot easier on his brain. When he had agreed to drift with a Kaiju a second time, he was well aware of the possibility his brain wouldn’t be able to handle the process. Apparently, Hermann was as well, resulting in him offering to go with. It still touched Newton when he thought about; Hermann putting himself in danger for him. Sure, saving the planet had played a big part in his motivation, but again he remembered the way Hermann had felt when he found him on the floor of the lab before.

He wondered if Hermann had considered their drift compatibility beforehand.

“...Newt?”

He blinked. “Huh? Oh, uh, sorry. Still pretty tired, I guess.”

“I understand. I won’t keep you any longer.” She glanced at her watch. “Dr. Gottlieb should be arriving shortly for his consultation, anyway.”

“Uh, sure.” he replied and reluctantly stood up. Part of him wanted to wait for Hermann to appear and he found himself oddly frustrated that she hadn’t just told them the results together.

“It was great talking to you again, Newt. When things calm down a bit, I’d be incredibly grateful if we could meet properly and discuss your drift experiences in more detail. It would help my research greatly,” she said with so much enthusiasm that Newton couldn’t help but smile.

“Anything in the name of science!” he said, giving her a thumbs up.

Dr. Lightcap laughed. “Thank you. We’ll talk soon.”

When he left the room, the nurse from before was nowhere to be seen. Shrugging, he headed off only to come face to face with his lab partner the moment he turned a corner.

The other man looked startled while Newton merely grinned. “Hey, Hermann!”

He was confused however when he wasn’t verbally assaulted with something along the lines of “Watch where you’re going, you imbecile!” or “Newton, delicate equipment is being carried through theses corridors constantly, I’ve told you before not to just barge around!” Instead his lab partner just looked uneasy.

“Are you okay, dude?”

“I’m fine,” Hermann sighed. “I’m was just on my way to-”

Duh. Hermann was on his way to hear the results of his brain scan. Anyone would be anxious!

“You’re totally fine!”

Hermann looked confused for a moment before returning to his usual annoyed expression. “Yes, I just said-”

“Huh? Oh, no, I mean your test results! They came back fine!” he quickly corrected.

“How do you-”

“Or well when I say ‘came back fine’, I mean mostly fine,” Newton interrupted again. “There are some abnormalities, but you know, drifting with a Kaiju, what else can you expect, am I right?

“But hey, your brain’s not as messed up as mine.” he laughed, patting Hermann on the shoulder.

The mathematician on the other hand, didn’t quite seem to share his relief.

“I see.” he replied, and Newton noticed the way his hand tightened around his cane, the same gesture he often did when something upset him. “I must say, it was rather unprofessional of Dr. Lightcap to divulge my private medical details with you.”

So unlike him Hermann knew he was going to be speaking with Caitlin. Also, from the lack of an escort, he also seemed to know where he was going. But more importantly-

“She didn’t ‘divulge’ your results to me,” he argued, feeling the need to defend her. “I was the one who asked her, because God forbid, I wanted to make sure you were gonna be alright too. Both of us did drift with a kaiju after all.”

Geez, what was his problem?

“Well, you needn’t have concerned yourself.” replied Hermann, looking strangely conflicted. “Anyway, I do not wish to keep Dr. Lightcap waiting any longer so I must leave. Goodbye Newton.”

Before he even had a chance to reply, the other man had started to walk away.

Newton remained in the corridor until he heard Hermann’s footsteps and the sound of his cane on the floor fade away, and reflected that it was more or less the second time Hermann had rushed away him from in the past two days. With the heated arguments they had, it wasn’t unusual for one of them to storm off – usually Hermann– but the past two encounters, Newton had got the impression that his lab partner no longer wanted to be near him at all. And damnit, it hurt.

\-----------------------------

After the encounter with Hermann, Newton returned to the lab. Hours passed and yet again Hermann failed to make an appearance reinforcing his opinion that the other man was in fact avoiding him.

At the mess hall, everyone was still unsurprisingly in good spirits. Newton however wasn’t feeling it and deliberately sat by himself despite his newly acquired rock star status. He soon found himself with company however as Tendo plonked himself down across from him with a tray brimming with food.

“What? I’m hungry,” the other man said in reply to Newton’s raised eyebrow. “Now that I’m not constantly glued to the monitors waiting for the next Kaiju attack, I can actually come down here and enjoy the lovely cuisine.”

“You really weren’t missing out on much, man.”

“Hey, you should talk to Raleigh, compared to the rations you got working the wall, this is fine dining.” replied Tendo as he gleefully took a bite of meatloaf.

A minute or so later the other man had stopped eating, instead staring at Newton as if he had just grown a second head.

“Uh, what?” Newton asked, shuffling awkwardly on the bench.

“You’re not talking.”  

“And?”

“You’re always talking.”

“What? I’m not always talking!” Okay, that was mostly a lie but whatever.

“You know, for someone that helped save the world, you seem incredibly bummed out.” Tendo noted, going back to eating his meal.

“Are you kidding me? I’m a freaking rock star! I’m awesome!” he declared loudly, waving his arms out as if to gesture how ridiculous the other man was being.

Tendo, meanwhile, did not look convinced. “Uh-huh.”

Newton glared back at him, shovelling a helping of mashed potato into his mouth.

“So where’s your other half?”

“Mah whu?” the scientist spluttered.

“Please finish eating before you speak.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Dr. Gottlieb, of course,” Tendo replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Newton tensed at the mention of his lab partner. “How should I know? I’m not his keeper.”

“True, but you’re usually glued at the hip. It’s weird for me to see you without him.”

“Yeah, well, I have no idea where he is.” Then as it had just registered, “Also what the hell do you mean my ‘other half’?”

Tendo grinned. “As I said, you guys are pretty much always together. Not to mention you both drifted with each other.”

“Considering it was the end of the world, we didn’t exactly have much of a choice.” Newton retorted, feeling oddly defensive. A similar feeling he got when he felt he had to justify why he found Kaiju fascinating.

“I thought Dr. Gottlieb volunteered to drift with you.”

“He...He did.”

“Pretty ballsy of him. Didn’t think he’d have it in him, being an uptight numbers guy in all. When he came rushing in yelling that _you_ had drifted with a kaiju however, I was not at all surprised. Mind you, there were other things going on at the time.”

Newton gave a weak chuckle. “Yeah, I think I scared the crap out of him when he found me on the floor.” he replied, remembering hazily once again of Hermann cradling him in his arms.

“So I heard you guys should be fine. Congrats”

“How-”

The other man shrugged. “News travels fast. Which again makes me wonder why you’re sitting here alone looking utterly miserable.”

Tendo’s face darkened slightly. “You’re not sad because the Kaiju are gone, are you?”

“What? Of course not!” the biologist declared angrily. “Sure I’m sad that I’ll never get any fresh Kaiju specimens which of course will limit my research to a extent and-”

“Newt-”

“It’s Hermann, okay!? He’s completely avoiding me! I know he’s an emotionally repressed asshole and hates ‘feelings’ but Jesus Christ, does he have to shut me out?! After what we’ve been through together?!”

By this point most of the mess hall had turned their stares towards him. Tendo meanwhile looked unfazed by his admission. Instead his expression was almost sympathetic.

Newton stood up getting ready to leave when Tendo’s arm shot out. “Hey wait. Look it-” Tendo stopped momentarily, turning to glare at those who were still staring causing them to quickly look away.

With a sigh he lowered his voice. “The whole drift experience... Everyone handles it differently. Do you know how rigorous the selection process for pilots is and just how many stages they have to go before they can attempt a computer simulated drift let alone with another human being? You and Gottlieb, you guys didn’t even have any prep, didn’t run any simulations, nothing.”

“Well again, didn’t exactly have much of a choice or a whole lot of time.”

“Exactly. Both of you were pretty much thrown in the deep end. Sure, you’ve probably studied the drift process, even read some pilots experience of it, but that doesn’t prepare you for what it is. Not to mention, you had the added addition of a piece of freaking kaiju brain.”

Newton tensed. “Do you... Do you think the kaiju messed Hermann’s brain up? Oh my God, is he suffering some kind trauma? Dr. Lightcap said he should be fine. She said-”

Tendo held up his hand and Newton looking completely panicked stopped. “What I’m saying is the drift can be overwhelming. When you’re in someone else’s head, you’re completely exposed. You can see their memories, they can see yours. Both good and bad. Some people can’t deal with being so...well vulnerable.”

Newton ran his hands through his hair. He had heard stories of pilots being deemed drift compatible only to refuse to work with their co-pilot after they experienced their first drift together. So as not to put off any other trainees, official reports stated that an error had occurred and it turned out the two pilots were not compatible after all. But rumours quickly started, and the things people saw in their ex-drift partner’s head came to light - always unsavoury of course. Newton assumed it was why most drift partners tended to be related. Maybe family could cope with it better. Nevertheless, while again only rumours and speculation, it was believed that Hercules Hansen had seen something in his elder brother’s head when they were piloting that resulted in him reporting his brother to the upper-brass, effectively ending their partnership and causing Scott Hansen to be dismissed.

His panic grew. What if Hermann had seen something in his head? He couldn’t think of anything he had done that seemed overly extreme – drifting with a kaiju brain aside – nothing that Hermann wouldn’t expect of him anyway.

“Newt.”

He was awoken from his thoughts by Tendo who was now staring at him with concern. “Look, it’s not your fault. As I said, some people find the drift difficult. What matters is you did it and you’re both still alive. It’s a lot more compared to certain other people.”

Newton winced, knowing that Tendo was referring to Marshall Pentecost, Chuck Hansen, the Kaidonovsky’s and the Wei triplets. Suddenly he felt like a dick. He knew he wasn’t the most sensitive of people but Tendo had worked under Pentecost for over ten years. While he wasn’t big on military types, he knew Tendo, like a lot of people, greatly respected the man so losing him like that had to hurt.

He wanted to say something comforting but instead he forced a smile. “Yeah, you’re right. It’ll be fine.”

\-----------------------------

When Newton next saw Hermann, he was neck deep in his work, any attempt to initiate conversation met with a short mumbled response or outright silence. It was killing Newton and eventually he went as far as purposely leaving bits of Kaiju guts on Hermann’s side of the lab just to get a reaction out of him. It was a failed effort however as the other man just sighed and kicked it away while muttering to himself. It was at that moment that Newton realised just how serious Hermann was in his whole ignoring him thing. He would have happily taken Hermann screaming at him than the awful silence that had befallen the lab.

Even Mako seemed aware of it when she came by to find out how they were doing. Hermann had been pleasant enough, awkwardly but kindly offering the young woman condolences about the Marshall. When Newton began chatting casually with her he had tried drawing Hermann in as well only to be met with the same resistance, albeit with more politeness in regards to Mako.

“Dr. Geis- I mean, Newt. Is Dr. Gottlieb alright?” she asked him quietly just as she was leaving. “I know that Dr. Gottlieb is a reserved person but he seems quieter than usual.”

“Aw, don’t worry about Hermie. He’ll be fine,” he replied, grinning. Nevertheless, Mako still looked unsure as she glanced back at the other scientist.

 

Newton wasn’t a person known for his patience and he was actually surprised at how long he had held himself back but finally it had gotten to the point were he couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“Okay, so are we even going to talk about what’s going?!” he yelled, angrily tossing the piece of Kaiju tissue he was examining to the side.

Hermann looked startled at the outburst but his face quickly lost all expression. “I don’t know to what you’re referring to.”

“You know exactly what I’m referring to!” Newton stormed over to Hermann’s side of the lab. “You’ve been avoiding me ever since the breach was destroyed, have barely said more than two words to me, you haven’t even yelled at me! What the hell is up with that!? When the war clock stopped you were...well, you were happy! We both were. And now what? I don’t understand what’s changed.”

Hermann was deliberately avoiding Newton’s eyes and it was scaring him. “The world doesn’t revolve around you, Newton. I’ve been very busy with-”

“Oh, don’t give me that bullshit. We just saved the freakin planet. I think I can safely say most of our work is done and you know that as well as I do so don’t even lie to me. Not after...Not after everything.”

Newton ran his hand over his face. He was tired. Like his lab partner he hadn’t been sleeping well, but he knew it paled in comparison to whatever was going on with Hermann who just looked awful. Neither men were strangers to all nighters but Hermann actually looked like he hadn’t slept in a week; the bags under his eyes becoming more and more noticeable each day. As much as he was pissed off at the other man for ignoring him – and Hermann was doing a damn good job because Newton Geiszler was a hard man to ignore – he was growing more and more concerned about his lab partner.

“Look, I miss you, okay? And I’m worried. You’re acting really... Just talk to me. Please.” Newton was pleading now. He was desperate. He wanted to throw his arms around Hermann. He wanted to hug him, for them to huddle together, to remain by each other’s sides like they had the day the breach was destroyed because not being close to one and other felt wrong. The most frustrating thing was he knew Hermann had felt the exact same way.

Newton could see Hermann struggling as he clenched his right fist, still avoiding his eyes.

No reply came and Newton turned away letting out a broken laugh. “Wow, you must really be regretting it, huh? Drifting with me that is. Guess I should have done it by myself again. I didn’t-”

“You bloody fool!” Jumping at the interruption, Newton’s eyes widened as he turned around. Hermann had stood up and was now facing him, looking more enraged than he had ever seen him before.

“If that’s what you think then you’re a bigger fool than I ever took you for!”

“Hermann...”

“I don’t regret what I did, even for a second! If I hadn’t shared the neural load with you then, you’d most likely be-” He paused, looking strangely pained. “If I had to, I would do it all again...”

“I don’t understand.”

“Of course you don’t,” Hermann retorted, his anger returning. “When you drifted with that wretched piece of Kaiju brain the first time, you didn’t give a second thought to whoever would find you! What would have happened if you had...” he stopped, trailing off again.

Newton winced. Although he could remember the way Hermann had felt when he had found him after his first drift, he had been trying his best to ignore it.

“Look, I’m really sorry, okay? I was an asshole. I admit that. I just get really...” he sighed, “I knew I could do it! I wanted to prove it, and I did! But I...I’m still sorry.” He reached out and placed a hand on the taller man’s shoulder. Hermann tensed slightly but didn’t back away from the touch.

Newton gave a weak almost pleading smile. “Please forgive me.”

“Newton, I...I’m not trying to punish you,” Hermann admittedly weakly. “I know you did only what you thought was right. In fact I’m very proud of you. Proud of both of us for what we achieved together that day. And I’m immensely relieved that you shan’t suffer any permanent neurological damage. As the creator of the Pons system, I trust Dr. Lightcap’s judgement above all others.”

Suddenly something dawned on Newton. “Hey, Hermann, Dr. Lightcap... Did you have her look at our scans?” he found himself asking.

Hermann looked taken aback but nodded. “Yes. I did not trust that... that Dr. Reynolds.” he stated, his lip curling. “Given the unique nature of your... that is our drift” he quickly corrected himself, “I felt it best that our scans be reviewed by a someone with the utmost knowledge on the drift process. Dr. Reynold’s credentials meanwhile are less than stellar.”

Newton gave a small laugh. “Yeah, that guy is an asshole. Also, thanks, you know, for getting in touch with Caitlin.” he said gratefully, feeling somewhat touched that again Hermann had gone out of his way for him. “But why didn’t you say anything to me?”

“I...I didn’t think it was important. You would find out once you got your results.”

“Or it would have gotten in the way of the whole you avoiding me thing. Which despite us talking right now, I still don’t understand why you’ve been doing.”

Hermann winced, once again trying his best to avoid Newton’s eyes. “Yes, well...”

The biologist took a deep breath and dropped his hand from Hermann’s shoulder. If there was anything he had learned about Hermann in the drift, it was that the man was surprisingly delicate. With the way things stood, if he started to get worked up and demand an explanation, Hermann was sure to turn heel and run. Therefore he had to take things slowly.

“Fine, fine. I understand. Just give me a heads up next time, alright?” he said, trying his best to sound reassuring. “Also, sorry for you know...”

Hermann glanced back at him inquisitively.

Newton scratched the back of his head, suddenly feeling awkward as he remembered his earlier conversation with Tendo. “I mean if you saw anything that made you uncomfortable in the drift.”

“Given that we bore witness to the engineering process of terrifying and gigantic beasts from a completely foreign world sent to destroy us, I fail to see how one could not feel uncomfortable. Nevertheless, it’s hardly your fault, Newton.”

“No, I meant like the stuff in my head.”

Again, Hermann looked surprise and Newton gave an awkward laugh. “I know I’m pretty weird after all.”

“The memories we experienced in the drift were very short lived, Newton. I barely had time to process them. Nevertheless, I saw nothing that would cause me to judge you poorly.”

Although he said this, Hermann wore the same expression on his face he had several days previously when he had fled the lab.

Without thinking, Newton reached out and grabbed his arm. “Don’t!” he cried, unable to take the thought of Hermann leaving again. He didn’t understand what was happening. In all the years he had known him, Hermann had never backed away from anything. When it was announced that the Jaeger program would be scrapped and all existing funds be allocated to the Wall of Life, Hermann had argued furiously that such a thing was no more than cowardice, that the human race could not runaway and ignore the monsters on their doorstep. He had remained when all other scientists bar Newton had abandoned the program, ready to fight to the bitter end, to use his intellect to save the planet from destruction. This wasn’t Hermann... _his_ Hermann.

The mathematician wore both a confused and conflicted expression. He looked at the tattooed arm grasping on to his. “Newton...”

“Don’t run away again. Just tell me what’s wrong.”

“It is nothing that you have done.”

“Even so, just talk to me. Please.”

Looking resigned, Hermann gave a weak sigh. “You really won’t let things go.”

Newton loosened his grip on his lab partner’s arm go and Hermann sat back down on his chair.

Despite everything, Hermann had never looked so vulnerable and again Newton had to stop himself from reaching out and wrapping his arms around him. Instead he grabbed the nearest chair and sat down in front of him.

“In the drift I saw some things... Things I had not thought about in a long time. Unpleasant things; things I would have preferred not to remember. Experiencing them playing out in front of me, despite their brevity was...well difficult.”

Newton winced in sympathy. He had his own issues, he knew this, but Hermann had gone through a lot of crap in his life. When he had drifted he had been so focused on the Kaiju hivemind – with an additional interest in Hermann’s mind the second drift – that any depressing personal memories he recalled he had more or less disregarded. Obviously such a thing hadn’t been quite as easy for his drift partner.

“But more than that, those were things I did not wish anyone else to witness of me.”

And suddenly it hit Newton what was going on. He reached out and placed his hand on Hermann’s knee, causing the other man to look up in surprise. He smiled. “Dude, you know I don’t think any less of you, right? That’s totally the opposite! Besides, as you would normally say, it’s not like I have any right to judge.”

Hermann still appeared hesitant and Newton realised that he would have to take a more direct approach. “I think you’re awesome! And I miss you. And I need you to stop avoiding me so we can sit down and talk about how both of us are basically rock stars now. Seriously, dude, we helped save the world! And that’s incredible!” Continuing to ramble he grabbed Hermann’s hand. “And I mean I know I’m awesome, but with you around I’m, well, even, more awesome!”

Hermann stared down at his hand held in Newton’s, his cheeks turning red. “I...”

The grin on Newton’s face widened. “We totally owned that bad boy, remember?”

The expression on Hermann’s face softened and for the first time in what felt like forever to Newton, Hermann smiled. “Yes, I suppose we did.”

Both joy and relief swelled up in Newton and almost knocking his chair over in the process he threw his arms around the mathematician. Hermann tensed at the sudden touch but, gradually relaxed.

He could feel Hermann tentatively return the gesture and he let out a joyful laugh as he felt his arms on his back.

“Thank you, Newton.” He heard the other man whisper in his ear and he couldn’t help but tighten his arms around.

Eventually, the realisation on how long he had been holding on to Hermann and the awkward position he was bent in made him pull back. The blush on Hermann’s cheeks had gotten deeper but he was still smiling, and Newton couldn’t help finding it ridiculously endearing.

“I missed you as well,” Hermann admitted, slightly embarrassed.

Part of Newton wanted to point out that it was his fault they had both been missing each other, but he refrained. Really, he was just happy to have Hermann back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally started this like a year ago, but my KaijuBros love has been rekindled and I'm eager to continue despite being super slow.
> 
> This is unbeta'd so I apologise for any spelling mistakes/grammatical errors.


	2. Chapter 2

It wasn’t long before the both of them were back to arguing and what should have been contradictory Newton found his mood improved immensely. Whether it was due to finally having someone to talk to about what they had seen in the drift or if he was just glad to have his – lab partner? Friend? Well, whatever Hermann was, back, Newton wasn’t sure. He quickly discovered however that talk of anything related to what they had seen concerning the other in the drift was a no-go. Any mention of Hermann’s life prior to joining the PPDC and the man would clam up instantly, resulting in long periods of silence. Considering the stress, Hermann’s avoidance had caused him last time; Newton made it his number one priority not to pry. Hermann as a way of respect didn’t ask him about the things he had seen either. That or he simply didn’t care. Nevertheless, it was difficult as Newton by nature was a very curious person – or by everyone else’s standards, a nosey bastard – so not even being able to enquire about something he was interested in was rather trying. Furthermore, a part of him did question why Hermann had all of a sudden become the most interesting thing in the world to him, but like so many other things regarding the mathematician of late, he tried to ignore it.

As well as the constant bags under Hermann’s eyes and his apparent inability to get a decent amount of sleep, it hadn’t escaped Newton’s notice that he hadn’t been eating much either. Not that Hermann was a big eater in general but the guy was already so skinny that Newton had a fear he would just eventually waste away.

“Come on, dinner will be getting served, let’s go to the mess hall,” Newton urged, jumping up suddenly from his chair.

“I’m not fond of the mess hall,” Hermann replied, and it was true, the man usually keeping food in the small refrigerator adjacent his work station of which he would often and loudly threaten Newton not to place any of his unsanitary specimens in. Newton had _once_. But only because he had hit the motherload a few years back when he got access to a large amount of kaiju organs and ended up running out of space in the designated refrigerated units. Unsurprisingly, Hermann had been less than impressed.

“Well, do you have anything to eat here?”

“Not currently, no.”

“And when was the last time you ate?” Newton challenged.

Hermann just stared at him for a moment before sighing, and grinning, Newton knew he had won.

Once they grabbed their food, Newton spotted Tendo sitting with a couple of the other technicians and suggested they sit there. Tendo gave him an odd knowing smile as he settled in his seat but he ignored it, mainly because he didn’t want Hermann to notice.

He spent the time bestowing the table with the invigorating tale of his totally awesome drift experience, all of who with the exception of Hermann and Tendo who were chatting amongst themselves, listened intently with expressions of awe. He caught Hermann rolling his eyes a couple of times but he refrained from commenting, apparently too invested in his conversation with Tendo to bother contradicting him.

Eventually, Hermann announced he was returning to the lab. Newton in turn was pleased as his lab partner had stayed longer than he thought he would.

“Catch you later,” he said with a wave.

Hermann nodded and exited the mess hall, leaving just Tendo and Newton at the table.

“Well, you’re certainly in a better mood today,” Tendo stated, grinning, “Wonder what the reason could be?”

“Shut up, I was just a little bummed that day,” Newton retorted in an effort to pretend that Hermann avoiding him before hadn’t been like one of the worst things ever.

“Uh-huh,” the other man replied, sounding completely unconvinced. 

“You were right though,” said Newton, his voice turning serious. “I think the drift was hard for Hermann. Like there was a lot of stuff he didn’t want me to see. I managed to convince him I didn’t think any less of him or anything. Hell, why he thought I would, I don’t know; he’s the judgemental asshole, not me. But-” he sighed, “I don’t know. He’s still being kind of weird about the whole thing. I mean, we had this amazing discussion about what we saw in that baby Kaiju’s mind; talked about it for hours and it was amazing but the second I mentioned anything that could even remotely be considered personal, he pretty much flees. Man, it’s frustrating.”

“I hate to break it to you, bro, but drifting with someone doesn’t give you a free access pass into their life history. My suggestion to you is to back off.”

“I _have_ been backing off. Still, doesn’t mean I don’t wanna, you know, talk about stuff,” he said, letting out an irritated groan. “Maybe if I just subtly-”

“ _Let it go_. Seriously,” Tendo advised, sounding more than a little exasperated. “Also you are the least subtle person I know.”

Newton opened his mouth to argue but closed it again, knowing Tendo was kind of right. He had no trouble at all saying what was on his mind and could care less if he ended up offending someone. In fact, he was positive that at least ninety per cent of his interactions with Hermann involved him offending the other man in some form or another.

“I just don’t want him to feel like he has to-” he paused and then stopped, not entirely sure what he was even meaning.

When he looked back up, Tendo was smiling sympathetically. “Give it time.”

Newton nodded despite the odd embarrassment he felt. ‘Give it time’. Wasn’t that something someone said in reference to romantic partners going through rough patches? Technically, Hermann was his lab ‘partner’ but definitely not...well, the other thing.

“Also dinner went pretty well. You guys didn’t get into an argument the entire time,” Tendo pointed out cheerily.

“That’s because he spent the whole time talking to you.”

“Aw, you jealous?” the technician teased, and Newton frowned.

“Jealous? Really, dude? What are we in like middle school? Or well, what I imagine middle school to be like since I kind of skipped that whole process.”

“Relax,” Tendo replied, flashing his wedding ring with a grin, “I’m already taken, so he’s all yours. Besides, he’s not my type.”

‘He’s not my type, either!’ Newton wanted to yell, but for some reason the words never left his mouth. Instead he just levelled a glare at Tendo.

“Newton, are you alright?” Hermann asked the next morning as he came into the lab, looking mildly concerned.

“Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” Newton replied, not bothering to look up from the piece of Kaiju tissue he was in the process of dissecting.

“You were supposed to have a check-up with Dr. Reynolds. I have just returned from my own and he informed me with great annoyance that you failed to turn up to yours.”

“Oh yeah. Kind of forgot about that.”

Hermann sighed. “Did you really forget about it, or did you simply designate it as not being worth your time?”

The biologist shrugged. “A little of column A, a little of column B.”

“Must I remind you of the importance of such checkups? Considering the great strain your brain went through from drifting it is imperative to keep note of any physical sensations or changes in behaviour you may currently be experiencing.”

“Well, I’d be happy to do that if there were actually anything to note. But I feel fine, honestly.” He stopped what he was doing and gave Hermann a look over. “How about you? Are you feeling alright?”

“At present, we are discussing you, Dr. Geiszler. Additionally, I wasn’t the one who skipped their appointment.”

“I know, but-”

‘You’re the one who looks like he hasn’t slept in like ten years. You’re the one struggling with the whole post-drift thing.’ He wanted to say.

“Furthermore, given that you drifted with a Kaiju not once but _twice_ as well as by yourself the first time, I’m sure any medical professional in their right mind, would put more focus on how you are dealing in the aftermath given the increased risk of brain damage. And dammit Newton, you are not stupid, I should not need to explain this to you!” Hermann yelled, thumping his cane against the floor as if to emphasise his frustration.

“Dude, relax! I’ll go, I’ll go,” Newton replied, pushing his palms out in a gesture of surrender. “I just think it’s a waste of time. I mean, Caitlin said we should be fine, and that asshole Reynolds knows shit all, therefore I’d rather you know, focus on something worthwhile. But if it’ll make you happy.”

“Please refrain from making it sound as if you are in fact doing me a favour, Newton,” the mathematician retorted, finally sitting down. “Surely, you should be more concerned about your health.”

“What about you?” Newton asked, removing his gloves, “I mean, uh, are you feeling alright? Did doctor-what’s-his-face say anything even remotely helpful?”

“I’m fine. Nothing worth commenting on...” he began then as if just realising, “Anyway, as I said, before, be more concerned about yourself!”

Newton made a show of rolling his eyes before going over to the sink to wash his hands. “Oh my God, I’m going, okay?”

In accordance with his recent agreement with himself not to do anything to piss off his lab partner too much, he went to medical bay straight away.

“Hey, I’m here for that check-up!” he declared as he walked through the door. “You know, the one that’s a complete waste of my time,” he then added under his breath.

The asshole head doctor guy was practically scowling at him as he approached. “You’re late.”

“A genius rock star scientist is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.”

“What?”

He groaned. “Ugh. Of course. Anyway, can we just get this over with? I actually have things I need to be doing.”

“I’m currently in the middle of something,” the doctor said, bristling, and Newton was pretty sure he was lying, “So I’m afraid you’ll have to wait until I’ve finished. Please take a seat over there.” He pointed to one of the beds before walking away.

“Are you kidding me? Seriously, isn’t there like a standardised questionnaire I could fill in?” he called after him, although was unsurprised at the lack of response.

“What a joke,” he moaned, sitting down on the incredibly uncomfortable cot.

He spotted an English language newspaper out of the corner of his eye and picked it up. Wow, they actually still made newspapers? It was couple of days old but with the lack of anything else to do, he decided to sift through it. Of course it was about the destruction of the breach and the Jaegers battles with the Kaiju, but considering he had been more or less in the middle of it, he wasn’t exactly engrossed.

He did let out a small chuckle however as he spotted a headline highlighting the fact that the wall of life program had been a complete and utter failure. It amused him when he thought about the flack all those politicians who had supported it and not the Jaeger project would be getting. Skimming the article he spotted a familiar name and found his amusement fading, instead being replaced with anger.

Lars Gottlieb; instrumental in the creation of the Jaegers as well as being Hermann Gottlieb’s father, he had turned his back on the PPDC and instead advocated construction of the anti-Kaiju wall. His name was the only one that stood out for Newton amongst the many offering flimsy excuses in weak attempts to save face.

“Dude, has your Dad completely lost his mind?!” he remembered shouting at Hermann, expecting an argument the second the words had left his mouth. “Did he just decide at random to jump ship?”

His lab partner had merely replied with, “I don’t know,” looking more strained than Newton had ever seen him. In a rare moment of consideration, he decided to leave his questioning. Although it didn’t stop him from going on at length about how idiotic all those politicians truly were.

While not privy to the argument itself he knew it proved to be a great point of contention between Hermann and his father to the extent were they more or less stopped talking to each other. Not that they had been particularly close before. In the beginning, Newton had thought of it as being odd. As much as he loved his parents, they didn’t really understand his work. He could talk to them about it to a degree but it wasn’t like they could exchange research theories or whatnot. Hermann and his father on the other hand were more or less on the same level. Surely of which would lead to hours and hours of discussions and correspondence in regards to their work?

Apparently not.

He had heard that Lars Gottlieb was a bit of a dick and having known Hermann, assumed that having a stick up one’s ass was just a Gottlieb family trait. Despite trying to coax it out of him several times over the years, Hermann remained staunchly tight lipped in regards to his family, being one of the few topics in which he wouldn’t indulge Newton in by arguing. He had given up back then fairly quickly, deeming it not particularly worth his time. After all, who cared if his aggravating colleague had daddy issues or whatever? Now however, he was finding it difficult to focus on anything else.

He had caught brief glimpses of Lars Gottlieb in their drift. Not once had he been smiling, seemingly always disapproving. Despite the fact his father frightened him, Hermann as a child had wanted nothing more than to make him proud. But nothing he did ever seemed good enough, and if Lars Gottlieb did feel any pride in regards to his son, he certainly didn’t show it.

All of a sudden, the medical bay felt as if it was fading away as Newton caught flashes from the drift; thoughts that weren’t his own.

Mother was always busy, Dietrich hated him, Karla was away at boarding school and Bastien was too young.

The adults were all laughing at him and he was alone.

He wanted to disappear.

He hated this. He hated everyone!

Numbers were the only things that didn’t hurt him. They didn’t care about him but they wouldn’t laugh at him either. They wouldn’t demand things of him. They were just there waiting for him; calling out to him.

They were the only thing that mattered.

“Dr. Geiszler? Dr. Geiszler!” Newton awoke with a start; the nurse from before shaking his shoulder and calling out his name.

“Huh? What?” He looked around, startled.

“Dr. Geiszler, are you alright?” the young man asked worriedly.

“Newt.”

“Sorry?”

“Call me Newt.”

“Oh uh, well, are you alright, Dr- I mean Newt?”

“Yeah, I...” he ran his hand through his hair and looked down at the floor where the newspaper he had been reading now lay. “I’m fine. I just got caught up in a thought.”

The nurse seemed unconvinced.

“Seriously, I’m fine-” He glanced at the man’s badge, “Rashid. One hundred per cent fine. Or well, technically not one hundred per cent, but pretty damn close.”

“Would you like a glass of water?”

“Coffee would actually-” He stopped, seeing the disapproving expression on the nurse’s face. “Water. Water is fine.”

Rashid nodded. “Okay. I’ll be right back.”

As he left, Newton bent over and picked up the newspaper. He frowned. Well, that was certainly strange.

All he knew was that he really wanted to punch Lars Gottlieb in the face.

When Newton got word that he would finally able to do his own interview he was ecstatic. And it wasn’t just an interview for some old medical journal that maybe a handful of people would read but an actual television interview were thousands, probably millions would be watching.

“Apparently they were worried that I would develop a brain aneurysm and start seizing on live TV or something,” said Newton, sounding appalled.

“I imagine that would be somewhat traumatic for the vast majority of viewers,” Hermann had responded dryly.

Newton’s enthusiasm disappeared completely only to be replaced by anger when he was informed that in no uncertain terms was he to discuss anything related to drifting with a Kaiju.

“Classified?! Are you freakin kidding me?!” the biologist yelled, throwing his arms up in the air in frustration. “If I hadn’t drifted with those Kaiju, mankind would be on the brink of extinction right now! Drifting with a Kaiju is the whole reason we humans are still here!”

“I assure you, Newton, many others factors and people played roles in the destruction of the Breach. Marshall Pentecost and the other brave Jaeger pilots, not to mention my Breach model,” Hermann replied, taking off his glasses.

“Yeah, well, the difference is that people can actually talk about those things! But essentially forging a connection with an alien hivemind and being able to see a completely different dimension and witness the creation process of the creatures sent to destroy us... nope, let’s just pretend that whole thing didn’t happen!”

“Nobody is saying to pretend it didn’t happen. It is understandable however that for the time being, the military may wish to keep such information private from the general public.”

“And what the hell am I supposed to say during my interview? I have all these things I know for fact and am being denied from providing any actual evidence to back them up.”

“Nonsense, you still have your samples which helped you discover the Kaiju were in fact being cloned. Even if you can’t outright say-”

“Damnit, Hermann! You don’t get it! I helped save the world! I’m a rock star! I- Hell, _we_ should be getting some recognition! The PPDC are just a bunch of fascist assholes!”

“No, Newton. You are one who doesn’t understand,” Hermann said, standing up, his voice laced with anger, “I and the rest of the members of the PPDC did not help prevent the destruction of the planet as a means to cater to your ego and delusions of being a _rock star_. The fact you played a pivotal role in preventing the extinction of the human race should be reward enough!”

“Oh, that is so rich coming from the guy who’s pretty much spent his entire life desperately trying to get approval from any authority figure he comes across!”

“What-”

“Your dad, the military... I might be as you said ‘desperateto be right’ but at least I’m not desperate for someone else’s approval!”

Hermann looked as if he had just been slapped in the face and Newton regretted his words instantly.

“Shit. Sorry,” he apologised quickly, “I...I didn’t mean that.”

The hurt quickly disappeared from Hermann’s face leaving him devoid of expression. “No Newton, I rather believe you did.”

The biologist winced. “No, Hermann, I honest-”

“You have your interview to prepare for so I will leave you in peace,” Hermann stated as he walked away, only stopping to collect his cane.

Newton called out after him. “Hermann, wait!”

But the other man didn’t stop and neither did Newton go after him.

The interview was being held at a small television studio inland, meaning Newton had to travel in a helicopter to get there. A security escort was sent with him, something he found particularly strange considering he hadn’t been given one when wandering the bone slums to find the infamous Hannibal Chau, but whatever. It was odd being in a helicopter again; the last time he and Hermann having been practically huddled together as they waited anxiously to arrive back at the Shatterdome to share the groundbreaking knowledge that the breach was designed only to let the Kaiju through. They had run through the corridors to the LOCCENT grasping tightly on to one and other, Newton only having let go when they got to the entrance. It had been intense but oddly enough he found himself smiling at the memory.

The smile quickly faded however as he recalled the night before.

“Damnit! No, this is your big moment! Do not think about Hermann! Even though he should totally be here...” he thought, inwardly sighing.

Apparently the invitation to do an interview had been extended to both Dr. Geiszler and Dr. Gottlieb, to which Hermann had of course refused.

_“What the hell?! Why aren’t you gonna do it?” Newton had asked him in disbelief._

_“Because I do not wish to make fake pleasantries with some reporter and recount my breach theory when with the utmost certainty I can say that the vast majority of people watching will have no comprehension of what I am at all talking about. There are many publications more suited to discuss my work, and that does not include some second rate news channel.”_

_“My God, you are such a downer,” Newton groaned, titling his head back. “Seriously this interview would show everyone how awesome you- I uh, mean we are.”_

_Hermann just scoffed._

_“Come on, we should be doing it this together.”_

_Hermann had just given him a wan smile. “You don’t need me there, Newton. I’m sure you’ll be able to do enough talking for the both us.”_

_“Man, you are so lame!” he complained extra loudly in an attempt to hide his disappointment._

He had really wanted to do the interview together with Hermann, which was something he never ever thought possible, given that their styles were in complete contrast. Still, for Newton it was almost like when something incredible or funny happened to you and a friend, and when you went to tell the story of it to someone else, it was always better when you told it both together. Then again, if that friend happened to be Hermann Gottlieb it was inevitable that an argument would arise between them.

_“Stop exaggerating, Newton!”_

_“I’m not exaggerating! You’re the one negating all the awesome parts! How do you manage to make something so incredible sound so boring?!”_

On second thought, it was probably a good thing he was doing the interview alone.

Although, the studio itself was small, it was nice and situated in one of the more influential areas – e.g. not part of the bone slums and far enough inshore that it managed to avoid any damage from the series of Kaiju attacks days earlier.

The reporter was a rather pretty American woman and while Newton appreciated her beauty, much to his dismay other than the basic information about him, she seemed to know next to nothing about his work other than it was his job to ‘dissect and study kaiju’.

Seriously, couldn’t they have gotten a science correspondent or a reporter with some scientific knowledge to conduct the interview? Then he remembered how attractive she was and the media industry in general and stopped questioning it. It also reaffirmed his belief that it was definitely for the best that Hermann wasn’t there.

The interview went well enough, although still reeling from being censored when it came to discussing anything relating to drifting with a Kaiju, he made an extra effort to sound exasperated whenever asked a question he couldn’t answer with a ‘sorry, that’s classified’. Hermann was sure to tell him he was being childish and petty. That was if Hermann even bothered watching the interview. After he hurt him last night, Newton even on TV was probably the last person he wanted to see.

Despite not being able to reveal how they learned about the purpose of the Kaiju and connecting with the Hivemind, Newton found he didn’t struggle for find things to say. In fact, the reporter had to cut him off several times so they could move on to the next question. Nearing the end of the interview, she seemed somewhat flustered.

“I understand you also had help from your lab partner, Dr. Hermann Gottlieb, is that correct?” she interrupted him as he went on about various different Kaiju designs.

“Huh? Oh yeah, definitely! It was Herma- Uh, Dr. Gottlieb’s own model that helped locate the Breach and where to drop the nuke that well, you know, destroyed it.”

“That is incredible. Unfortunately however, that is all we have time for today,” she said, and Newton found himself feeling disappointed. Again, not something he would have ever thought possible, but didn’t Hermann deserve a little more credit and recognition for his contribution? Then again, apparently just ‘playing a role’ was enough for him.

“But before we go; Newt, what do you plan to do next?”

He had been very clear she call him Newt at the beginning of the interview. “Only my mother calls me Doctor.” He almost felt Hermann roll his eyes when he had said it.

“Uh, I...” The question caught him off guard. “I haven’t really given it much thought to be honest.”

“Well, whatever it is, it’s sure to be groundbreaking. Thank you for joining us, Dr. Geiszler. It was a pleasure talking you. Goodnight.”

With the interview over, the reporter let out a sigh of relief, and inwardly Newton felt himself doing the same. This wasn’t quite how he envisioned being a rock star.

After the interview, Newton was taken out to a fancy Italian restaurant for an early dinner. While he would have preferred to go somewhere that actually served Cantonese food – he hadn’t had much of a chance to enjoy any local cuisine, being holed up with his work in the Shatterdome – he was definitely impressed with the place. Even in pre-Kaiju years, the restaurant would have been considered extravagant.

The food tasted amazing. Although having spent about a decade eating PPDC food every day, it was bound to. Nonetheless, he couldn’t help but wish Hermann was here to appreciate the food. While he had managed to drag him to the mess hall a few times over the past week, he never did have very big portions. With an upmarket place like this, surely even he would indulge a bit?

“Are you enjoying your meal, Newt?” asked Jennifer, the woman who had interviewed him.

“Definitely. This is great,” he replied between mouthfuls.

She smiled. “I’m glad you’re enjoying it.”

He was pleased to find that the other few people from the network with them seemed to know more about Kaiju than the interviewer. Not by much, but it was something at least. Although even when not a super genius like himself, he couldn’t understand why someone wouldn’t spend their every waking moment learning all they could about such incredible creatures.

Once dinner was finished and they had eaten dessert – because hell yes if it was free, Newton was going to have dessert – they moved to the bar lounge for a drink where he was guided to two seats in the corner by Jennifer.

“Please, call me Jenny,” she said after they ordered drinks.

“It’s such a pity that so much of your research and what’s happened to you seems to be classified.”

“Oh man, tell me about,” he replied with a groan. “I went through so much crap. It sucks not being able to talk about it. Or well, technically I can, but just with the PPDC. Not that I really wanna talk to them... Hermann was there for some of it. I get to talk to him at least.”

“Dr. Gottlieb? I must say, we were rather disappointed that Dr. Gottlieb declined our offer of an interview.”

He shrugged. “Uh, yeah, TV interviews aren’t really Hermann’s thing.”

She sighed. “So sad, interviewing two world renowned K-Scientists would have done wonders for my career.”

Newton frowned at the admission.

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed our interview very much, Newt. And it’ll definitely provide a good reference for my future prospects. There was just something I wanted to ask Dr. Gottlieb, that’s all.”

“And what was that?” Newton found himself asking warily.

“It was regarding his father, Dr. Lars Gottlieb,” she replied, taking a small sip of her cocktail, “In the past, he also worked for the PPDC. In fact, he contributed a tremendous amount in the creation of the Jaegers. But in the last year, he switched alliances and began supporting the UN sanctioned Wall of Life Program.”

“Yeah, and?

She crossed her legs, smiling. “I just wanted to know if there was any friction between the two. Apparently there had been rumours. After all, father and son, once working together, now on different sides. It must have been difficult for Dr. Gottlieb.”

“He managed,” he retorted, feeling oddly defensive.

“I’m sure he did,” she spoke more gently, sensing his hostility, “However, the fact was that Dr. Gottlieb was correct in staying with the PPDC while his father abandoned the Jaeger project. I’m curious to how he feels being proven correct and if there is any lingering resentment from his father.”

“Look, I’ve worked with Hermann for a very long time and what he’s done has nothing to go with his asshole of a Dad,” Newton retorted, his voice rising.

“Well you certainly don’t seem to be fan of Lars Gottlieb,” she stated matter-of-factly, “I think I missed an opportunity not asking how you feel about supporters of the wall project, especially if it would have gotten this reaction.” She paused for a moment. “Or is it just your colleague’s father you dislike?”

“Screw this,” he muttered standing up.

The reporter quickly followed suit, her expression changing to appear apologetic, of which Newton was one hundred per cent positive was fake. “I’m sorry if I’ve offended you, Newt.”

“Actually, it’s Dr. Geiszler.”

He turned and walked away, tapping his security escort on the shoulder. “We’re leaving.”

It was late be time Newton got back to the Shatterdome and he found his foul mood hadn’t lessened even slightly. He and his security escort had had to make their own way back to the helicopter since he had walked out. Whether he would receive a complaint or an apology from the network he wasn’t sure, and quite frankly did not care.

After bidding farewell to his depressingly un-talkative security escort – seriously, why was it that every member of the military was so goddamned boring? – he debated whether to return to his room. On one hand, he really just wanted to go to sleep and forget the day, while on the other he was curious to watch his interview despite how much the interviewer had pissed him off. It would have aired earlier that evening and was no doubt available to watch online.

In the end, he gave in to his vanity and decided to make a quick stop at the lab. If his parents had seen it, they would probably have e-mailed him as well.

Going straight towards his laptop, it took him a moment to notice the figure sitting hunched over at his lab partner’s workstation.

“Hermann?”

The figure shot up with a start and looked around dazed. “What?”

“Dude, what are you doing here? Were you asleep?” Newton asked confused, abandoning his laptop and moving towards Hermann.

The mathematician blinked a couple of times, apparently trying to get his bearings before his face regained its usual indignant expression. “I was merely resting my eyes. And to why I am here, this is _my_ place of work. _We_ share this lab.”

“Okay, okay,” Newton replied, holding his hands up defensively. He started moving back to his laptop when he noticed the bottle next to Hermann.

“Uh, have you been drinking?” he asked, pointing to the empty bottle.

“Oh, I...” Hermann looked momentarily panicked. “I found the bottle when clearing some old files from my drawer. Given that we just recently helped save the planet, I thought I would indulge.”

Newton stared at him worriedly. “Hermann, are you-”

“I wanted to have a drink,” Hermann began defensively, “I do not need to-”

“No, dude, I am hurt!” he cried, cutting him off. Hermann looked surprised.

“You were drinking without me? Seriously, you could have at least waited until I got back,” he laughed, and Hermann appeared somewhat relieved at his response.

“If I did things on your schedule, Newton, I would never get anything done.”

“Well, getting drunk is something of _great_ importance,” he replied, leaning back against the desk next to Hermann. “Wow, so you’re drunk and I’m the sober one. How weird is that?”

“I am not drunk!” the other man declared, “I am merely...tipsy.”

“Riiiight.”

Hermann cleared his throat, obviously embarrassed. “So your interview, it, well, didn’t go awfully.”

“Coming from you, that is a _great_ compliment,” Newton replied sarcastically, then realised, “Hey wait, you watched my interview? I thought you hated TV.”

“I...Well... You represent the Science division of the PPDC. I wanted to make sure you didn’t say anything idiotic to besmirch its reputation.”

He said this but Newton thought he seemed strangely flustered.

“Are you forgetting that the PPDC scientist division is in fact, just the two of us? Everyone else bailed.”

“There were a great deal of budget cuts that led to the culling of a great deal of jobs. It could not be helped. But yes, it is difficult to forget the many who simply stopped believing and gave up hope in the PPDC,” Hermann replied, sounding somewhat melancholy.

It was then that Newton remembered his interview and what the reporter had said regarding Lars Gottlieb. His earlier anger quickly returned, only to be replaced with guilt as he suddenly recalled his last conversation with Hermann.

He opened his mouth to say something, maybe to apologise but no words came out. Instead he thought about Hermann clamming up and running away again, of how utterly helpless he felt whenever it happened.

“Newton, are you alright?” his partner asked, a look of concern on his face.

He thought back to Tendo’s advice, to just let it go. It was awkward, for all the things he excelled at, which of course were many, letting go of stuff was something he particularly sucked at.

He took a deep breath.

“Yeah. Just super bummed that the reporter person knew jack shit about Kaiju. Seriously, what the hell were they thinking, sending someone like her?”

The look of concern on Hermann’s face was instantaneously replaced with an eye roll.

“Really Newton, did you expect anything else?”

“I don’t know, an interview with a reporter that at least seemed like they remembered the tiniest bit of basic high school science?” 

Fully expecting Hermann to scoff at him, he was completely blind sighted when he heard his partner laugh.

“Are you okay?” he asked, too surprised to appreciate the rare sound.

“I’m fine,” Herman chortled, “It’s just very much something you would say.”

“Yep, now I definitely know you’re drunk. Laughing and that semi-compliment you gave me earlier. You must be wasted.”

With that, Hermann was back to rolling his eyes. “I assure you, I haven’t drank all that much. Although given the time, I really should go to bed,” he added, rubbing his hand over his face.

Newton decided to forgo watching his interview this evening when he saw Hermann struggle to his feet.

“Put your arm around me,” said Newton sliding next to him.

The other man blinked. “What?”

Now it was Newton’s turn to roll his eyes. “I’ve seen that, -hell, _experienced_ \- that awkward please let me get up on my feet without falling on my ass moment you had there, so many times so just put your arm around me and we can go.”

Hermann opened his mouth to protest before Newton cut him off. “You’ve been in my head. You know I’m not lying. Plus I’d feel really shitty if you ended up falling on your face. Which also from experience isn’t fun.”

“Oh fine,” Hermann sighed, sounding completely put out as he placed his arm around the shorter man’s shoulder.

Newton grinned as he handed Hermann his cane.

As they walked down the empty corridors, Newton was reminded for the second time that day of them huddled together like this. Of course, the circumstances were rather different. For one they weren’t running, and neither where they clinging on to each other for dear life as they made their way to the LOCCENT. Instead, Newton had his arm wrapped snugly around the other man’s waist, making sure to go at a slow pace. Going slow. That was another thing he particularly sucked at, but for Hermann, he would make the effort.

Trying not to think about how weirdly nice it felt being pressed up to his lab partner like this, he continued telling Hermann about the interview and how awesome the restaurant he was taken to was. Obviously he negated the part where the interviewer had brought Hermann’s dad up and how he had pretty much stormed out. Occasionally Hermann would mutter words of agreement but overall it seemed as if he was just struggling to stay awake.

Newton let Hermann rest momentarily against the wall as he opened the door. God, those things were awkward. Once he had it opened, he led Hermann to his bed.

As Hermann sat down, Newton quickly removed his shoes. The fact the man didn’t utter a single word of protest just proved how out of it he was.

“Ah, thank you Newton,” said Hermann as he placed his cane against the wall.

“Uh, no problem,” Newton replied, suddenly feeling awkward, “Man, how weird is this? I always figured you’d be the one carrying me home drunk.”

“No-Not that I’ve ever thought about it before,” he added quickly. “Just that, you know...”

“I’ll miss this,” Hermann admitted suddenly behind half closed eyes.

“Uh, pretty sure this is the first time we’ve ever done this,” Newton laughed, but stopped when he noticed the faint smile on Hermann’s face.

“Hermann?”

But Hermann had already fallen asleep, leaving Newton unsure as to exactly what he had meant. Still, he didn’t dwell on it; instead focusing on the strange wave of affection that came over him as he glanced down at his partner’s smiling sleeping face. 

In turn he couldn’t help but smile himself.

Finally after what felt like a long time he turned and walked away, switching off the light.

“Goodnight, Hermann.”

Gently, he shut the door.


End file.
